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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her husband left her, which came as an unexpected event. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, as they were drawn to him. She was stunned by her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely realised better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my position in the relationship is to listen. I open subjects and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I know well on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to share insights, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her decisions. I've just returned from a month in that place she hopes to reconnect, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and basically what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no argument on this point. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Finally is to ask how the two of you can shift the interaction between you."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly successful to encourage understanding.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss all you say, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they won't abandon as it feels essential relies on it and it represents they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. Yet she could at first react defensively then consider about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have peace that you've been truthful.